He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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