Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
