I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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