My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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