everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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