There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
