she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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