Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
farters have to be the big spoon...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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