i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize