I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
How's work?
Spinning.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
