I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
