Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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