She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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