I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
