They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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