Please, let me fuck your mom
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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