I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
