Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Im part way to drunk.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
