i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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