he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
