Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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