Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
