So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
