I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
