pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize