I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
