Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
