ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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