I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
