My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
