Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
