he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
