this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My vagina is very pro this idea
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