no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You're like the curious george of whores
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize