last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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