Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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