Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
