Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
