Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
