If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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