I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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