Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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