Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
