yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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