quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
