Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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