I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
