sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
