i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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