I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
