I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
