did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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