I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
