wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize