You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
