Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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