Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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