i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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