Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize