last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
