I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
