I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize