Say something about gay babies.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
