Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
