Your face is a jimmy john
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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