And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
