it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
